Do not disturb. No really, I mean it.

On my last several hotel visits, I’ve noticed that Do Not Disturb signs carry almost no weight with hotel staff, so this post is for them. Something needs to be done about this. And since it’s happening on multiple continents I’m thinking we need Hans Blix and a UN resolution, because I’m losing my everloving mind and a whole lot of sleep as a result.

Do not disturb means: Don’t knock. Don’t yell through the door. Don’t do anything to disturb my peace unless I’ve missed checkout by a couple days and there’s a stink coming from under the door. For all you know, I could be chopping up a dead hooker in the bathtub. And you don’t want to walk in on that do you? Because then I’d have to chop up a dead hooker AND a nosy housekeeping lady.

The following are not good reasons to disturb me when that sign is hung on the outside of my door:

  • Laundry service
  • Turn-down service, and seriously, why do I need you to fold my sheets down anyway?
  • Picking up dishes from room service
  • Delivering a paper
  • Housekeeping
  • Dropping off a summary of charges ahead of checkout

In addition, it is not acceptable to call the room phone if I don’t answer the door for one of the above disturbances. If I need something, I know where to find you. Or I’ll call. Don’t make me bring Jimmy Carter into this. I will create an international incident if you don’t let me have just a little more sleep.

And with that, I’m off to bed.

By the way, did I mention the surly looking guy with the double barreled shotgun guarding the guitar store in Noida? You don’t need to steal a guitar that bad. Think it over.


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