Quick memo on prayers to God.

I got an email today that had a picture of a child who had lost her hair due to chemotherapy. The letter asked that I pray to God for a cure for cancer, and came with a side order of guilt should I choose not to forward the letter or pray as directed.
I got to thinking… Is this the problem with the cure for cancer? Did God just not hear the prayers? Then I thought, “well, you know…He is God and He must certainly get a lot of prayers…” So I wanted to offer up some tips on getting responses from people. We use these a lot at work, so maybe they will work with God as well.

  1. Start your prayer with “ACTION REQUIRED:” This lets God know that it’s not just another “thanks for giving us beer and Kevin Smith movies” prayer, and that you really actually need Him to do something.
  2. ! Flag your prayer as Important, so that it stands out in His Inbox. You can’t argue with the power of that little red exclamation point.
  3. Set a due date. People and deities often work more diligently when they know they have a firm end date. You have to remember, God is infinite. Maybe God has “Cure Cancer” on His calendar for 10,192AD, right after creating the Muad’Dib to liberate Arrakis. For an infinite being it’s right around the corner. For someone waiting for a cure it’s far too late. Try setting a firm date, eg. “I need a cure for cancer by EOD (end of day) Friday, or the following Monday morning at the latest!”

Hopefully these tips will bring about the desired result. If not, try science. I hear they can already cure several types of cancer. You might also try donating to cancer charities.


1 Response to “Quick memo on prayers to God.”

  1. December 17, 2010 at 7:35 pm

    What the hell? I can only Digg this!! (whines) But I wanted to tweeeeet it w/ short URL and all. šŸ˜‰

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