Wallet makers! What the hell?

It’s the 21st century. Why are wallets either hopelessly bulky or antiquated?

Here are my requirements:

  • Made of something indestructible, virtually. I’ve tried stainless “cloth”. It’s virtually indestructible, it’s also sharp, which means it cuts holes in your pants. How about whatever kepur straps are made out of?
  • Shitload of card slots! Everything has a card now! And until stores are ready to accept digitally stored cards directly from your phone, I need to carry them. Three is not enough. Six is not enough.
  • ID window. Quick ID access is super convenient. Do it.
  • Cash slot. Unfortunately I still sometimes have to deal with paper money. Until it goes away and we all get our subdermal microchips I still need this.
  • Not an aluminum box. I just don’t like the shape of the current aluminum offerings. Also, they’re a fixed size. Every once in a while something stupid happens, like a bar owner pays me in $1’s, I need a wallet with “give”.
  • No money clips! WTF?!? Why are these all the rage? Who are you trying to impress with paper cash in a clip? That’s ridiculous! Just carry one ATM receipt! That should be sufficient to impress anyone if you store your money in a bank like a normal person.
  • A little pocket for whatever else. I drop coins in the tip jar or the nearest ash tray, but I still sometimes have small things to keep track of eg. spare guitar picks, SIM card, those tiny little “keychain” cards that I don’t want cluttering up my keychain.
  • Modern looking. I realize that I could buy a thirty compartment nylon “tactical” wallet that looks like the first wallet I got when I was 9. I’m not feeling it.

Bring me this wallet and I will buy it.


1 Response to “Wallet makers! What the hell?”

  1. 1 JimboSmit
    March 8, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    Get a murse! Do it! Prob solved. You probably have a tablet or water bottle or something you want to carry around too. A satchel. A messenger. A Land’s End tote in a primary color.

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